Intention vs Goal

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Hello all you hard working goal setters!  Stop being so hard on yourselves.  Listen, we've all heard the advice; set GOALS if you want to accomplish anything substantial, right?  For sure we have!  Our society, has an obsession with GOAL setting, even in the sac, if you can believe that!  I"m here to help you scratch that off the list.  It doesn't apply here people! 

We tie a GOAL to an accomplishment; and In our culture, an individual can't be considered successful unless a GOAL has been achieved.  And the usual motivation behind that method of madness, is carried right over into our sex lives.  How f....cked up is that I ask you?  The bigger, the longer the wetter the better; why, why, why I ask, does it even matter?  The way to measure  success with sex; is to measure your INTENTION right off the bat!

What are you aiming for; what's the plan man?  There's compelling evidence that in this area of life, people and couples consistently fall short of achieving bliss; which IS the only GOAL that's required in this scenario!  More often than not, the fault is attributed by the GOAL setter.  Yep, those of us who insist on bringing the outside GOAL BULL CRAP into the bedroom.  But the real problem here, is the efficacy of the INTENTION itself.

There are psychological manifestations that can organically grow from  not achieving any GOAL at all when it comes to sex; which is much less damaging on our esteem, than having one in the first place.  The process that I like to bring into this equation, allows you to set up desires (NOT GOALS) that are realistic for the reality of sex.  Whenever we desire things that we don't have, we set our brains nervous system to produce emotions.  Secondly, get rid of those highly aspirational GOALS that you want with sex.  Those require us to develop new competencies, some of which, may be beyond our own current sexual capabilities.  Look, we are who we are in this quadrant of life, so be comfortable with who that is.  Remember your blueprint sexy ones!  The more you try and develop these outrageous personalities that you are not; but you heard that it could be sexy, the more likely you are to experience an unsatisfactory sex life, which then can become a turn off.  And the third; GOAL setting which sets up an either or polarity of success.  The only true measure can either be 100% satisfied sexually, or perfection in the bedroom, or 99% and less, which is failure.   The fourth and final, GOAL setting doesn't take into account random spontaneity of chance.  The other problem is; that sexual GOALS often throw in the images of the ideal or perfection, which activates the self judging thinking of; I should be this way or that way.  This totally counteracts "in the moment" which needs to be the only element here.

We must also make a distinction between our INTENTION vs GOAL.  An INTENTION is a direction we want to pursue, and preferably with passion of coarse.  Through my practice with couples and singles coming to me for guidance, they are often confused, and unclear about the INTENTION of how they want to live in their sex life, and therefore a focus on GOAL is amplified.  This doesn't assist them with clarifying their INTENTION at all.

When I work with people as their sex coach and mentor with this area of their life, they often tell me they've set a GOAL such as; I want to be able to last longer with my partner (which is fine and dandy) or, I want to be able to make my partner orgasm 4 times!  Nice thought, but unrealistic.  What they don't realize is, they've just described the symptoms or outcomes of the problems in their sex life.  The cause of the problem, which many resist facing, is the GOAL needs to vanish!  They don't realize that for a change to occur in the bedroom, (if you want change that is; they must have an INTENTION only.  Once you make that change, everything around you will alter, which will make the GOAL irrelevant.

There's an old saying here, and we need to renew it;  you don't get what you want in life (GOAL), you get in life what you are (INTENTION).
Ok my sexy little grasshoppers.  Let's stick with the process, shall we?
oxoxoxoxoxoxo